The saying ‘a friend in need is a friend indeed’ means a true friend supports you in tough times with empathy and understanding 

AN “ACCIDENTAL hero” is someone who becomes a hero by chance rather than by intention. This person might find themselves in a situation where they perform a heroic act without planning to or even realising the full impact of their actions at the time. The heroism often arises from actions that were not intended to be heroic. This is a story of Niaz (his real name), a Bangladeshi migrant worker who became an accidental hero and showed what real friends are. 

Sammy (not his real name) was feeling down. He betrayed his family and, in turn, was betrayed by someone he loved and trusted. To make matters worse, he was falsely reported for misconduct and was asked to resign from the job he loved. He thought that was it, his life was over. No family, no career, nothing to look forward to. 

To cut a long story short, he decided to take the shortcut, the easy way out. He planned to take his own life. He made a video trying to harm himself. He wrote emails and WhatsApp messages to explain his situation, to rationalise his decision, to seek help and forgiveness. Little did he realise what he did was merely a cry for help, from those who mattered to him. All he wanted was someone to listen to him, but no one did. 

That weekend he decided to carry out his plan. He wasn’t scared anymore. He was losing his religion. He didn’t care. 

The plan involved an overhead bridge over a busy inner-city highway. That way, he thought, it would be instant. He drove to the location, parked by the highway, left his wallet and key fob in the car. Once on the bridge, he paced to and fro, stopping momentarily to look at the traffic, to visualise, what he thought was a solution to his problems. From time to time, he would send text messages to whoever he thought would care, but none responded, no one seemed to care. Or so he thought. 

Niaz, like many of his countrymen in Malaysia, worked in oil and gas, not at an oil rig but at a fuel station. Every day he takes the bus home from the bus stop next to the overhead bridge. On that fateful day, while sitting at the bus stop, he noticed a man on the bridge walking aimlessly form one end to the other. Niaz assumed he was just waiting for someone and was killing time by pacing back and forth. That reasoning, however, did not satisfy Niaz’s curiosity, so he went up the bridge and when he saw Sammy’s face, he knew something was not right. Their eyes met and Niaz gave him the salam. Sammy smiled without answering, his eyes were glassy, clearly showing sadness and fear. 

Niaz walked closer to Sammy and tried to start a conversation, not knowing what to say, he made up a story: “saya ada nampak abang di station (I saw you at the station)”. That, surprisingly, broke the ice and got them talking, initially about general everyday stuff, the weather, traffic jams, expensive foodstuff, but the more they spoke, the more Niaz noticed Sammy trying to open up, so he made a bold statement. Niaz said: “Bang, semua masalah boleh selesai (brother, all problems can be solved)”, and for the next four hours he sat with Sammy, listening to his story, nodding at timesand making sure Sammy was comfortable. 

Step one, you say we need to talk
He walks, you say sit down, it’s just a talk He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through

Niaz might not have heard that song by The Fray, he might not know how to save a life, but he did just that, because he stayed with Sammy, and listened to him. Niaz didn’t let Sammy drown. 

The saying “a friend in need is a friend indeed” means that a true friend stands by you during tough times, offering support, empathy and understanding. They listen without judgment. This phrase highlights the value of loyalty and dependability in friendships. Niaz is not only a hero but also a real friend. He not only saved a life, but he also saved a family and taught a valuable lesson on friendship. 

If you know someone struggling with mental health issues and feeling suicidal, strive to be a true friend. Take them seriously, listen to them, offer your support and encourage them to seek professional help. You do not have to be a therapist or psychiatrist to make a positive impact. Recognising the warning signs of suicide can help save lives. The first sign is often a cry for help, sometimes upfront, other times indirectly. 

Do not be afraid to ask if they are thinking about suicide. Allow them to express their feelings without interrupting or judging because just being heard can provide immense relief. Not everyone knows how to help, but a simple act of being there for them, offering your presence and support, can make a huge difference. Whether it’s through a phone call, a text message, a visit or just sitting with them, your presence can be comforting. 

The pain and emotional distress that they are going through makes it harder for them to see the cure that may be obvious to an outsider. Encourage them to get professional help, suggest they speak with a mental health professional or offer to help them find resources or accompany them to appointments. Don’t abandon them; follow up and continue to check in on them regularly. Let them know you care and are there for them, even after the initial crisis has passed. Be present, be seen. 

Unfortunately, not everyone will be supportive. Some people might distance themselves, act insensitively or even take advantage of your vulnerability. Negative interactions can increase feelings of sadness, loneliness and worsen mental health symptoms. This kind of “friends” pushed Sammy to the edge. 

There are many ways to help someone with mental health issues and having suicidal intentions. The important thing is to notice the cry for help, the warning signs, like an abrupt change in behaviours, erratic mood swings, significant changes in sleeping or eating habits, or engaging in dangerous activities, such as reckless driving or substance abuse. These are signs that our friend is asking for help. Don’t ignore them. 

There is a Niaz in all of us. We all can save a life. All we need to know is how and have the desire to help. 

• Nur Azam teaches Economics and Policy Analysis at a local university. He is calling out for everyone to notice the signs of mental health problems and to be a “Niaz”.

• This article first appeared in The Malaysian Reserve weekly print edition